Family Dynamics

"Friends are the family we choose for ourselves" - Edna Buchanan

Last year the phrase "blood is thicker than water" was put to the test, for me.

In summary, an issue of child abuse divided one branch of my family tree in two. There were those that sided with the child (or mentally handicapped young adult, rather) and those that sided with the abusers.

It was a long, stressful, and at times heart-wrenching split; but things seem to have settled on their respective sides of the fence.

As an adult, to me there is a certain value to be put on the adults that influenced me and cared for me throughout my childhood. That has been the hardest part of the familial divide. But in the same regard, as an adult I can see more clearly the tainted, borderline-sociopath tendencies of some of those people & know that I'm better off having pruned the family tree.

I've come to realize that many of my friends are simply better human beings, and closer to my heart; than those recently expunged members of my bloodline. They (and my remaining biological family) are true to themselves and to those around them. They are loving, compassionate, giving, honest souls that I can say I'm a better person for having them in my life.

 At roughly the age of 18, while in college, I wrote a letter to my biological father, introducing myself & giving him the option of meeting me, if he chose. It was an introduction my mother always offered up, throughout my childhood, having nothing but the best of compliments for him. His lack of a presence in my upbringing was simply a matter of circumstance. Needless to say, he was as eager to meet me, as I was him. After nearly a year of "getting to know you" meetings, I was introduced to most of the rest of my "new" family.

Packaged in that bundle were younger half-sisters.

Having spent my entire life as the only child of a single mother, I was more than excited to bond with them!
Unfortunately, this is where further circumstances have stunted the relationships I'd hoped for. (1) Distance: I lived 3hrs away for the first few years while going to school, then moved to the other side of the country for 9 years. (2) Differences in general family dynamics: My mother and I have a very close relationship, where the family dynamic & communication within my dad and his wife's family is slightly different enough, that seems to make it difficult to connect with them. (3) Lack of childhood bonding: not having shared vital moments together growing up, we seem to generally lack the ability to bond over memorable moments. 

I'm still learning to accept that these relationships must be allowed to grow & flourish at their own pace, over time; and to continue to love & cherish those in my life whether they are my genetic family, or not.